Tube Screamer Dungeon

Part Nine: And Artifacts For All

Welcome to part nine of which began with converting the electrical schematics of Ibanez’s TS-808 Tube Screamer guitar effects pedal into a fully-realized dungeon map. For those needing to catch up, I’ve placed links to all previous installments at the bottom of this page. Since then, it’s grown to create unique elements within the dungeon. Today, I’m going to focus on artifacts found within its corridors. The artifacts are intended to be used with the Mutant Crawl Classics Roleplaying game. Below are general descriptions while the fully statted artifacts will be made available to Rolling Boxcars Patreon Supporters.

A huge part of Mutant Crawl Classics involves characters finding and understand ancient artifacts to use to their advantage. The Tube Screamer Dungeon is filled with items left behind from the “Tour”; a most revered ancient event. It was in this time that the followers of the Metal Gods gathered to pay homage at the holy site, the Cento Sage. There they left behind items of worship and devices of unknown provenance. No written record exists, but we do know them from faded images within the sacred text. What they are and do is anyone’s guess. It’s a lucky day when one is found. It’s even better if the sign of the Tour adorns it.

Tears of Gods
In their infinite wisdom, the great Metal Gods gifted unto their adoring flock great items of worship. The most common of these holy relics is the Tears of Gods. Out into the masses, the Metal Gods cast these, the closest to the Cento Sage having the best chance of catching one. Today the people of the land use the largest of these relics as shields. Their lightweight and resistant material are superior to wooden or metal shields. 

There are two types of Tears of Gods’ shields. Tears from the Tour and everyday tears. The Tour Tears features the Metal Gods’ holy symbol and protects against energy attacks. They also adhere to the wearer’s arm when activated, becoming part of the user. Everyday tears offer only basic protection. It has fitted leather straps for handles since it doesn’t feature the same powers as the Tours. The amount of protection both provide is determined by its thickness. Tears come in four thicknesses. The thicker it is the greater the protection.

Must Tame
To be a star, one must look important. Personal lighting and proper hair flow are essential to any performer. The ancient performer used these Must Tames to shed prominence onto themselves, to make them stand out in a crowd. These personal devices allowed performers to influence the crowd with expressive lighting and mesmerizing flowing locks. No longer did they have to position themselves in just the right spot to get the same effect. Now they possessed the power around their necks.

The Must Tame is a personal lighting system and airflow effect. It’s designed to always put its wearer in the best light possible. Its features warn glowing lights of all colors to enhance the performer’s image and set the mood. Multi-lighting features are at the performer’s fingertips as well as preprogrammed effects. Whether the performer needs an eerie blue cast for somber numbers or bright dancing spotlights for climactic overtures, the Must Tame was essential to the ancient performers. 

Along with its lighting feature, the Must Tame featured two high-power circular fans mounted at the front. These cyclonic fans produce strong direct winds to blowback even the thickest of locks to mesmerizing effect. It also aided in reducing the heat absorbed from the stationary stage lights. Deluxe models featured oxygen-enriching airflow to increase one’s stamina. Must Tames gave the ancient performers the boost to keep them playing night after night and looking like rock stars.

All-Access Pass
In the days of the Great Tour the Metal Gods, their Cue, and a select few wore these holiest of relics. No one outside the inner circle was granted one. Though there are stories of mere followers getting ahold of them through contests of radio waves and acts of close interpersonal activities with members of the Cue. However, they were acquired their possessor could obtain no higher honor. 

These coveted glossy green plastic cards attached to a black nylon strap are a must-have for any follower. It possesses the greatest power of all, access to all, and the honor of rubbing appendages with the Metal Gods themselves. A flash of these passes gained access to off-limits areas within the dungeon. But don’t be fooled by counterfeits. Only real passes will get you past the gatekeepers and they will know if it’s real or not. Flashing a fake badge will get you tossed out or worse, vaporized. 

Crowd Surfing Anti-Grav Belt
It was common practice for performers to dive from the stage into the audience and surf above them. This required trust, strength, and proper crowd density. To protect the performers the Cue developed the Crowd Surfer Anti-Grav Belt. This fashionable metal stylish harness is attached to the performer’s waist. When the performer dove into the crowd the belt’s sensors comfortably arranged its wearer in a prone position hovering six feet off the ground facing up. The performer can then use additional features located on the belt’s buckle to propel themself if desired. Additional features include an anti-theft and groping feature. When this feature is activated a force barrier forms under the surfer so there is no physical contact with the crowd below. As mentioned the belt has its own propulsion. The wearer can adjust the speed and direction from the belt buckle. When the belt is disengaged the wearer is placed gently in an upright position.

War Robe
During the great shows, performers of all genres needed a way to change their costumes and fast. Just off stage, each performer had their own War Robe. By standing on the designated spot their outfit and accessories could be changed instantly. A highly-trained War Robe operator, a member of the Cue, uses the controls on the outside panel to provide the performer with the correct outfit. Everything non-organic on the performer is broken down into its basic elements and resequenced to make the new costume. Any excess material is transferred into the machine’s matter hopper to be used later if the source material was insufficient to create the new costume. 

From time to time the War Robe matter hopper gets low and needs to be refilled. Unsold merchandise, uneaten concessions, and lost and found items are placed under the arch to be recycled. The War Robe Operator activates the matter transfer sequence and all matter, including organic material, breaks down into its basic elements. The elements are then transferred to the machine’s hopper to be used later. The War Robe is very dangerous. To prevent inadvertently vaporizing talent, its operators had to be certified in its operation.

The War Robe, although requiring a certified operator, is not that difficult to use. The machine features an on/off switch, stain remover, nine pre-set costumes, and hopper refill function. When inside the arch the performer’s image appears on the outside panel display at the operator’s station. The operator chooses the correct costumes and inputs the change sequence. A pattern of dots cycles through on the inner walls of the arch and instantly alters the performer’s costume to the desired choice fitting them perfectly. The transfer takes mere seconds allowing the performer extra time to engage in extracurricular backstage activities.

I hope you enjoyed my satirical artifacts. In our next installment, Part Ten: Block Party, I return to the dungeon map where I’ll talk about how the circuit blocks of the TS-808 comes into play. Remember to use the links below to look back on our journey. Thanks and I’ll see you soon.

~Stephen Pennisi

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Follow my journey with the links below:
Part One: Proof of Concept
Part Two: Design and Refine
Part Three: Moving On Up
Part Four: An Isometric Point of View
Part Five: Capacitors as Elevators
Part Six: Diodes and Resistors
Part Seven: Transistors & Opamp
Part Eight: Bad to the Bots
Part Nine: And Artifacts For All
Tube Screamer Dungeon – Part Ten: Block Party

Want detailed stats and more information on the artifacts given here? Then become a Patreon backer today. Each Patreon backer received the artifacts describe above fully statted for the Mutant Crawl Classics Roleplaying game. Additionally, backers received other exclusive Tube Screamer Dungeon material as well as other Rolling Boxcars perks. Hop on board and become a Rolling Boxcars Patreon Supporter today.